A Day Off

As I'm a probationer, the Methodist Church has ordained that I have a Sunday off after Christmas - even if I don't want it. So we decided to visit some very good friends in Hexham. After some careful consideration we worshipped this morning in Hexham Abbey. The building was fabulous; very old with a long history of abbey-style worship.

There was much that caught my attention, but Hazel pointed out the opening pages in the hymn book, 'Hymns Ancient and Modern'. It said, Military similies and triumpahalism have been taken out. All too often texts advocating spiritual warfare are used to justify the self-seeking ambition behind temporal conflict. Christian "triumph" is surely the triumph of love'. The Methodist hymn book will soon be subject to the same treatment.

This made me think of WWI and WWII and many other conflicts. Perhaps if we were under threat from an invading army about to do terrible things to our children and families we wouldn't be talking like this, but rather about fighting for freedom to proclaim the Christian message. Then I remembered a sermon (very rare indeed!) where the preacher suggested that if all the Christians prayed instead of fought, war might have been avoided.

But then I looked around the Abbey. There was a stained glass window devoted to the RAF and hung from the arches were battle banners and coats of arms bearing symbols of war adorned the walls. As I type, the news on the radio is telling of Israeli air strikes against Palestine.

Are Christians hypocritical? I think not, but we are confused about our faith and doctrine. We talk about love but in our hearts that love is drowned out by the drums of war. I'm not criticising anyone here, but reflecting on the Biblical themes which become - for want of a better word - fashionable. Sometimes being a pacifist is fashionable. At other times laying down one's life in war is what is desired. I don't think we are two-faced, just fail to understand who God really is and what he really wants from us.

A third Christmas thought - the main course!

There have been times when I have taken Christmas services when a thought has momentarily come into my head - do you ever have them? They come from nowhere and like an irritating wasp, hang around for a while before disappearing forever.

When we were singing the carols about the angels and reading the Christmas story, I thought, 'wasn't this a bit over-the-top - you know all these myriad angels singing and then Gabriel coming out of heaven to talk to sinful people?' Not only that, but the Magi turn up having travelled for who knows how long just to worship the baby and offer their gifts. We don't even know how long they stayed or how many there were, but they were influential people and it caused a bit of a stir with king Herod, so they must have been 'heavy weight' men of power. These players are in the story to make a point.

I think though, that the wise men, angels and heavenly host were minimal players in the story compared to Jesus. Just think of it - God comes to mankind in the form of a human, leaves heaven, loves everyone he meets, encounters everything that's not good head on, directly confronts the political system and its rulers and ends up dying for his enemies and so the course of the world is changed once and for all and everyone's life can be redeemed. Somehow, when thought of like that, the angels are an aperitif. Jesus really is the main course.

Another Christmas thought

As I settle down to being a minister (noun),I am discovering what it means to minister (verb). I have either taken or been part of so many services that I am sick of my own voice. Last Sunday, after my fourth service that day I didn't want to speak another word - ever. Which reminded me of Zechariah. Luke tells it so benignly, 'They realised he had seen a vision in the temple, for he kept making signs to them but remained unable to speak' (Lk 1:22). Why didn't Zechariah just write in the sand? (probably because there might be too many parallels with John 8). Well, whatever the reason he tried to tell those waiting outside, but how do you communicate that an angel from God has told you a miracle will happen and your old wife is going to fall pregnant but without any words? It struck me that although Jesus is the light of the world sometimes we still can only see gestures and certainly not the full story - a bit like a prophet playing charades with us but using a language we don't know. Even at this time of year with a clear message about salvation, we still need faith. There's no substitute.

Some Christmas thoughts...

As we approach Christmas, I'd like to post some thoughts about the Christmas story. Let me know what you think...

In the story that Luke tells us I was struck by a few things. The first was that we start with Zechariah and Elizabeth who, like their son, John the Baptist, are an introduction to Jesus. It occurred to me that when Zechariah goes into the Temple to meet God, everybody else is outside the Temple. And when Zechariah meets the Angel of the Lord, something very special happens; in fact it's the beginning of the end. Here, the walls of the Temple start to come down. When the Angel meets Zechariah he is announcing that the separation of 'those out there from us in here' will very shortly end. The baby in the manger will leave open a gateway so that we no longer need special people to meet God for us, but we can meet him ourselves.

Hope

I was out with my cake-stealing dog this morning and it was very cold. We walked across the fields, said hello to some other dog-walkers and enjoyed the fresh morning. Unusually, I didn't sink up to my knees in the mud. The earth was frozen solid and the grass was white with a very hard frost.

Despite the cold weather and the economic gloom, Christmas still seems to invoke a feel-good emotion for most of us. I don't know what it is about that Christmas feeling, but it always asks us to imagine something better than we've currently got. It asks us to think of a time when circumstances could be better and suddenly we are dreaming about snow on the ground and happy families; grandads laughing with the kids and a large (perfectly cooked) turkey in the background.

Christmas seems to invoke the spirit of God who wants more for his children - not more money or things, but a better way of life coming out of a relationship with the baby in the manger, then the man, Jesus. As if Godis saying in true story book style, 'Come in and know me better'.

As I was thinking about this, it started to snow big heavy flakes. I thought this might be a taste of things to come. That's what Christmas seems to be telling us: there is something more and we find that 'something' in the manger. Suddenly it doesn't have to be in the future, it can be right now. I love Christmas.

Go 'round

A few weeks ago I had an oblique encounter with God. Normally when I walk the dog we go straight across the recreation field and follow the footpath straight across the field then walk along the pavement past the church (spend a few minutes praying) then back home. But this particular day, I felt God say, 'go 'round the rec'. So I did, after all it wasn't going to hurt was it? Then we came to the field and I felt God say, 'don't walk straight across but go around the field'. So I did. Was I going mad or was this oblique message really from God? Not being direct is not really who I am but I felt it was a message.

When I got back home I had a rather angry person on the phone and we saw things from two very different angles. My natural inclination? Be direct! This morning, I took a long time talking to them, going around the situation and explaining my thoughts, going around (not directly to) my point of view.

I am finding that being very gentle with people - especially when they want me to do things I really can't - is the best way to be. It takes a lot longer and needs much more patience but so far walking around the fields and not through them has been a good lesson.

It was my birthday today

Today was my birthday. This is my dog, Ruby. This is my birthday cake. In true Robert Robinson style, 'what's the connection?'

Well, as you can see I only have half a cake. The other half was enjoyed by Ruby (in secret in the kitchen whilst it was on the cooling rack). And for a full three points what's the theological connection? Answer - Advent. Ruby just couldn't wait!

findingaway

So how am I finding my way as a new minster? Well, if you ask my wife, she'll tell you (probably) that I work too hard but then she'll also tell you that I'm thoroughly enjoying every second. I love the people I meet and I am starting to glimpse what God already knows and that is the great potential we all have to share the Good News and see people changed through their relationship with a risen Jesus.

But I have to admit that I'm feeling the pressure especially with college work. I think I've taken on a bit too much work. At the moment I am writing one assignment, doing the reading for the pioneer work in January and trying hard to get my dissertation proposal in as well as leading up to Christmas and trying to make every service special and with an added 'something special'. It's not a straight road by any means. Yet, all this is really not worth mentioning compared to what Paul suffered for the Gospel (see 2 Cor 11:23-28) and I can't help feeling that a bit of perspective is good. How is it going? Absolutely marvellous!

That woman again...

So, having preached about this woman who confronts Jesus and his mission, the next day I was similarly confronted. I received a 'phone call from a person who asked to use one of my churches. 'No problem' says I and I then begin to say when I can take the service. The caller stops me and explains that they want to take the service without me. I was a little taken aback and explained that I had a policy that I would conduct all such services in (my) church. This was a hard thing for this person to hear, especially when they were in a highly charged emotional state. I sympathised and suggested some other places they could call to have their service.

As I put the 'phone down, my wife looked at me and reminded me of the sermon I had preached (thank God for wives!) and that I had actually said that Jesus laid down his policy and put people first. I phoned the caller back and they used the church - without me. Did I feel good? I wish I could say I did, but I didn't. Was it the right decision? Yes. It's a shame that learning is still a painful experience.

Thank you

Cramped in that Funnelled Hole

Cramped in that funnelled hole, they watched the dawn
Open a jagged rim around; a yawn
Of death's jaws, which had all but swallowed them
Stuck in the bottom of his throat of phlegm.

They were in one of many mouths of Hell
Not seen of seers in visions, only felt
As teeth of traps; when bones and the dead are smelt
Under the mud where long ago they fell
Mixed with the sour sharp odour of the shell.

Come on in

Welcome to one of the warmest, friendliest places I know - my library. Herein reside the loveliest people - Alma, Wendy and Jude to name but a few - there are more! This library does more than issue books. It is physically warm and you always get a smile when you walk in. The staff provide a space for anyone to come in and enjoy the atmosphere. People turn up and are instantly adopted for the time they are there. In fact, they recently won a Kirklees award for customer excellence (no surprise). Their medal is on the window sill. Tomorrow I shall be there to drink in the atmosphere and the free coffee and tea they supply on Friday afternoons. It's a chance to sit and chat with friends - people you don't yet know - honest! I try to be there on Friday afternoons if I possibly can. See you there?

Am I the only one who finds Halloween the most ridiculous thing in the world for churches to be involved in (actively or passively)?

Just recently I have reviewed our Safeguarding policies. Everything we can possibly do to create a safe environment for our children and vulnerable people is considered and where possible we make and maintain that safe space.

So then along comes Halloween when we play with the thought of rotting bodies and demon-possession and not only encourage our children to think there is no harm in this (ask people who have dabbled with Ouija!) and then tell them to knock on strangers' doors and ask for something that they will put in their mouths. I know the Church's job is to reach out to those who others might not, but really...

The Canaanite woman

This preaching thing has really got to me. So much in fact that I abandoned the assignment I was going to do for college and instead I''ll do this one; 'Critically analyse the role of preaching in contemporary society'. Hopefully I'll do justice to my feelings on this.

However, I am still preaching. Last time I preached it was from Matt 15:21-28 the Canaanite (Syro-Phoenician) woman. I have grown to truly love this narrative - not so much for what Jesus teaches in it but for what Jesus learns and is confronted by. I mention this sermon (albeit briefly) because of what happened to me afterwards, and I will post that soon.

This nameless woman lays at Jesus feet a number of contradictions and asks that he deal with them. First Jesus is in enemy territory and an enemy approaches God incarnate (what sort of enemy can God have?). Then she cries out, 'Lord, Son of David' two phrases which don't go together - the Gentile name for Jesus (Lord) and the Jewish name (Son of David). At this stage these are in contradiction but soon to be reconciled. Third, she throws down in desperation the problem of heaven and hell. She appeals to the Lord (heaven) that her daughter is demon-possessed (hell). It's like she is saying, these two cannot exist side by side. The fourth contradiction she asks Jesus to resolve is how can you be be on a mission to Jews alone when I am here with my heart of faith?

And then Jesus stops...the silence is deafening and it's as if he asks the rhetorical question (I don't think he is talking to the woman or the disciples - perhaps to the other two members of the Trinity but that's conjecture!).

When I preached this, I said that Jesus has a choice - 'do I stick to the plan/programme or do I listen to this woman's breaking heart of faith?' It's a seminal moment and a forerunner to Pentecost and Acts 10 with Peter and Cornelius.

I rounded off the sermon but won't do here 'cos that's your job! However, it's one thing preaching about something but when it directly affects you the next day, God's at work. I'll let a few days pass before I post more on this...

I don't need God, but then again...

I've just been talking to a friend about being a good person and what that might mean; we didn't talk for long about it! I was wondering whether we spend time thinking about this or whether we just get on with life and not worry about it too much any more. The pace of life is fast and many of us don't have time (or give ourselves time) to think about how others might see us or what we might really be like. I've just finished Douglas Coupland's Life After God which I thoroughly recommend. He takes you on an adventure and you are an invited voyeur into his life's journey so far. Almost at the very end of the book he says this,

'Now - here is my secret: I tell it to you with an openness of heart that I doubt I shall ever achieve again, so I pray that you are in a quiet room as you hear these words. My secret is that I need God - that I am sick and I can no longer make it alone. I need God to help me give, because I no longer seem to be capable of giving: to help me be kind, as I no longer seem capable of kindness; to help me love, as I seem beyond being able to love'.

I am told the picture here is genuine - that these workmen really did cement themselves into a corner. How long will it be before they try to find a way out?

Wake up Rip Van Winkle!

I have always been concerned that when I became a minister, I'd be so consumed with church life that I'd miss what was going on outside the walls of the church. Today, I thought that I'd been asleep and then woke up suddenly outside Salisbury's having missed the world and the last thirty years.

We had just arrived in Huddersfield (it was my day off) to do some important shopping. Coming out of Salisbury's car park my wife got me by the arm and said, ' Now don't wander off '. I smiled and joked that I hadn't lost my marbles yet ( I was going to suggest that she sew my name into my coat in case I got lost, but thought better of it). Having managed to buy nothing except a bucket full of coffee in McDonalds, we went back to Salisbury's to do some food shopping. My wife then gave me a task to do so that I wouldn't interfere with her routine - I had to find something nice for lunch - she thought I'd probably manage that. By this time I was beginning to feel very old but said nothing. Finally on our way out, I said that the coffee was making its presence known and I just needed to pop to the loo before we set off for home. She looked at me with pitiful eyes and said, ' do you need to go again? Are you all right?' I reassured her that my prostrate was fine and just to prove it I drove home without visiting the toilet. I managed to get home without any 'upsets'.

Made me think though...how do people see me? Crikey!! time for some serious thought! I'd love to write more, but nature calls...

What is it about the communion table?

On the second Sunday of the month at one of my churches we have an evening Communion service. Now, to be truthful, my tradition is that Communion is important but really hasn't dominated our life. My background is that this is a remembrance service and that the 'real presence' of Jesus is no more here than at any other service. As time has gone on, I genuinely believe that God is everywhere and in everything I am involved with, so I have not looked to find Jesus in the bread and wine any more than in an all-age worship service.

However, these evenings at church have found about ten of us sitting around the communion table in a very intimate setting and I have wanted to engage with Jesus here more than usual. In fact I have been looking for the presence of God. Last Sunday we sat around in a horse shoe shape and we lit three candles to remind us that the trinity is here and I felt it was right to be honest with everyone there. As I made myself vulnerable by saying a few things about myself, it felt like I was making myself vulnerable to God at the same time. I openly said that I wanted more of God and that there is a yearning in my spiritual life because I was pursuing God. The phrase that lives with me day by day is, 'there must be more to life than this Lord'. I am looking for the real presence of God.

And so I said that having had a car accident about five weeks ago my back was injured and I was in considerable discomfort. I couldn't stand for long, sit for long or drive for long. Sleeping was in three hour spurts before I was woken up by the pain and had to stretch my back. I was tired.

I sat in the centre of the horse shoe and people prayed for me and for others who were in pain - whether physical or emotional.

It has been six nights since then and I have had the slept really well. Better in fact than before the accident. I wouldn't say that I am healed completely, but I had nine hours sleep last night - previously unheard of.

What is it about the communion table that can make such a difference? Is God more present here than at other times or is it that we give him more attention and are more focused? My view at the moment is the latter. If that's the case, then there really is no limit to what we can expect.

My first...

I took my first funeral today.

It was sad.

Be prophetic. In other words...

The Christian Church used to have a lot to say about life, the universe and everything and every now and again someone will come up with the real meaning of life. Sometimes it's 42. Sometimes though it's a mixture of answers, usually depending on what crisis a community/group/location is going through andChurch history is a testimony of that . However, lately the Church has been silent on the big issues. Not long ago Rowan Williams made a very controversial comment which seemed to touch all the rawness of our society's sensitivities. Afterwards it felt like we retreated from the public sphere to go back to Church and not bother the world again with our thoughts. I thought it was also interesting that a BBC poll asked people how influential the Archbishop of Canterbury was and many had no idea of who he was which was a shame considering he is such a clever man.

It occurs to me that over the next few years the Church has an ideal opportunity to make a positive impression in the lives of people and we are in a time when we might just be listened to. As we find ourselves in a position where many people have no idea of the Gospel, let alone who who Rowan Williams is, we have a chance to start again and to be a prophetic voice. The Western world is in economic free-fall; people's savings have been wiped out on the stock market and those wanting to buy a pension right now face a future of economic uncertainty...they are in serious trouble.

In other words how many of us have the front to preach Hope? To announce with certainty and love that Jesus and not money is the true hope for our future? That living in the palm of God's hand is a safer place to be than in the sea of falling share prices? And how many of us will put our money where our mouths are and live out our love in a practical way by walking with people who right now feel they have no hope at all? It's a wonderful opportunity that we have right now - to be the people of God. But will we take it?

A bit scary

The last few weeks have been very busy and so having to go back to college was the last thing I wanted to do: too much to do here, too many people who need to be seen. All in all it's been a bit scary trying to find my feet and what will and won't work with the people God has given me to love. Having landed at Cliff College last Monday morning all that was on my mind were my three churches and the church councils which I needed to prepare for and couldn't. I wasn't happy with my preaching style (and still stung by the comment about not preaching opinions)all I wanted to do was address myriad issues. On top of all that the college module was one that I didn't want to do. The module on Celtic spirituality was what I wanted to read about but that wasn't until November and the timing meant that I would have had to do two modules at once. I know I'm OK at getting things done, but that would have stretched me, especially over Christmas.

But having got to Cliff College everythging changed. First of all, it's an excellent place for academic study. Secondly it gave me some time out to think more objectively about Church and more specifically, my three churches. Thirdly though, it was very affirming. I have found that the last six weeks have been very lonely in that it's hard to share my thoughts with people (they can be a little unusual for some - I am after all reading about Emerging Chruch) but at Cliff it was like God was saying, 'Tim, that feeling you have about this and that really isn't so strange after all'. I took the first morning prayers and suggested that we could be free in our prayers to God even if we didn't feel we could be free with each other and I gave some personal testimony. It seemed to resonate with the other students.

Having returned now to chuch life I'm glad I went. It was freeing and liberating even if it was a bit scary - a bit like trying to follow Jesus really.

Does it make a difference?

What sort of person are you? Do you enjoy doing things like making an airfix model or building a doll's house just for the fun of it or does what you do have to have a definite purpose? I'm one of those people for whom whatever I do, it must have a reason - it must benefit someone (else) otherwise it fast loses its fascination and I fast lose the will to live. I'm currently thinking about my dissertation and I can't just write something with the purpose of getting through - it must be of practical value to someone else.

So as a new minister, I am constantly trying to do things that have most value. Time is very short for so many things, so I rationalise all the things I do. Now this may not the best way of going on, but for now its the best way for me. I sat down last week and worked out that my sermon construction will have to speed up. My problem (well, one of my problems) is that sermons don't sit on a shelf waiting to be plucked from an index box. Every one is crafted from deep within me with a specific congregation in mind and preaching three times on a Sunday is very draining. But with so much time and energy going into them, they have to make a difference to at least one person. My thinking right now is that sermons are not to tell people the 'right way' of living, but to present my paradigm of the work of God in our lives and asking them to consider what God might be saying to them. Someone recently told me that we should not be preaching opinions but the Gospel. In an age when institutions are held in the utmost suspicion and the Chruch especially has lost almost all credibility with the vast majority, preaching my opinion seems to be the best way of making headway. Now, this may sound wooly, but I assure you it's not. I live and breathe for God and the Trinity means everything to me. But people seem to be on a spiritual search; they need to make sense of the trials and tribulations that life throws at them. In short, they seem to be asking 'what does it mean to be human?'. Asking a question no longer means expecting an answer, but is an invitation to engage in a conversation and sermons are anything but that. My desire is to have a 'service' and to have a conversation with the 'preacher' and ask them why they believe what they are saying and discussing what that might mean as Jesus comes alongside us. When I listen to sermons I often want to ask, 'are you qualified to talk like that?'. Are we able to hear the voice of Jesus in a service? Maybe that's the goal of preaching but it means creating a space for God to be heard; to be able to feel the warmth of God's breath on our neck as he whispers the deep secrets of eternity into our souls.

Whatever I do it has to make a difference, but then it's not me who makes that difference; it's God and we are fast coming to the idea that we need space to understand the whispers of a passionate Father and usually services don't provide that. We can no longer convince people of the need for God, they have to discover it themselves themselves.

Harvest

As I take services I will post anything which I think might be useful...Last Sunday I took the Harvest service. We did the parable of the sower in the morning (of course) and what the soil meant in the evening.

The morning was a family service so I used a 'magic bag' and a puppet of a bird. I told the parable of the sower using a story bag (you can get this via the story bag link via http://www.decadeministries.co.uk/). This bag has the story of the soil, birds eating the seed, the sun, thorns and harvest. As you tell each bit, you turn the bag inside out and miraculously you get a different picture so telling the story in an interesting way. The kids seemed quite unimpressed but it created a lot of interest amongst the adults.

In the story, I skipped over the birds but mentioned that in the hymn we had just sung, 'we plough the fields and scatter' it mentions that God looks after the birds and that God looks after the sparrows (Lk 12:6-7). Then as I was talking, Hazel made a bird puppet come up over the pulpit behind me and throw seed across the front row. We had a discussion about birds and that it was not the birds' fault for eating the seed, but people's hard hearts were the real problem.

It went well - puppets usually do!

Preaching twice

I have heard people talk about the difficulty of preaching twice on a Sunday. I have never thought this was a problem - eventful, yes; problematic, no. But I am beginning to change my mind. It's not the preaching or taking three services on a Sunday (I did this recently) but how do I relate what I preach to people I don't yet know? Whenever I preach it's always from deep within me. It comes from deep down and can take two weeks to develop from an idea into a beautifully formed work of art. I no longer have this privilege. On one particular Sunday I took two communion services at different churches. On both occasions as soon as I arrived, I realised that what I had prepared was inappropriate for the congregation. Do I carry on regardless or do I change it 'on the hoof ' ? What do you think? Well, I changed both services as I went along. Did anyone see the join? I don't think so, but it totally drained me as I tried to adapt what I had prepared for the people in front of me. 'Didn't God give you the services?' I hear you cry. Well, it's not what one gives, it's how one presents it - same message, but different delivery. I can see Sundays are going to be 'eventful' for some time.

The Collar

When I was a policeman, a collar was something quite different. Being a young policeman meant the more collars you had, the better you were and I was quite good at getting them. However, arresting people soon lost its appeal and I got promoted. I felt very proud walking down the street looking at the stripes on my arm in the reflection of Tesco's window. So you can see that wearing a uniform is not new to me. Armed with my 20 years experience of uniform wearing, I went into Holmfirth this week - complete with traditional black shirt and dog collar. Hmm. 'Something not quite right here' I thought; it's like they know I was a policeman. People didn't want to catch my eye. They looked the other way in the shops and even stepped into the road and one woman seemed to try to walk on the white lines in the middle so that I could pass on the pavement unhindered. 'Hmm' I thought again, 'must be an armed robber behind me'. Nope, just me on the pavement and a woman behaving as if I was an anthrax carrier. If I have made the move from him who locks you up to him who helps to set you free, why don't people know? So, do I persevere with this collar or do I bow to public opinion?

A New Start

Hi, what follows will be my journal which will record the highs and lows of being a new Methodist minister. I've just finished the first part of my pre-ordination training and I've been placed in the Holmfirth Circuit in W Yorkshire. My hope is to record as accurately as possible (bearing in mind people's feelings) what it has been like to have pastoral charge of three churches and how together we manage mission. Coming from London (via North Derbyshire) I'll also be reflecting on the cultural differences - there have been many already! I hope you enjoy reading it. Please feel free to contact me about anything I mention and let me know what you think. Right now, my hope is that Jesus bursts out of the pages on our Bibles and we start to see him for who he really is - missional; incarnational and loving. Time will tell.