Does it make a difference?

What sort of person are you? Do you enjoy doing things like making an airfix model or building a doll's house just for the fun of it or does what you do have to have a definite purpose? I'm one of those people for whom whatever I do, it must have a reason - it must benefit someone (else) otherwise it fast loses its fascination and I fast lose the will to live. I'm currently thinking about my dissertation and I can't just write something with the purpose of getting through - it must be of practical value to someone else.

So as a new minister, I am constantly trying to do things that have most value. Time is very short for so many things, so I rationalise all the things I do. Now this may not the best way of going on, but for now its the best way for me. I sat down last week and worked out that my sermon construction will have to speed up. My problem (well, one of my problems) is that sermons don't sit on a shelf waiting to be plucked from an index box. Every one is crafted from deep within me with a specific congregation in mind and preaching three times on a Sunday is very draining. But with so much time and energy going into them, they have to make a difference to at least one person. My thinking right now is that sermons are not to tell people the 'right way' of living, but to present my paradigm of the work of God in our lives and asking them to consider what God might be saying to them. Someone recently told me that we should not be preaching opinions but the Gospel. In an age when institutions are held in the utmost suspicion and the Chruch especially has lost almost all credibility with the vast majority, preaching my opinion seems to be the best way of making headway. Now, this may sound wooly, but I assure you it's not. I live and breathe for God and the Trinity means everything to me. But people seem to be on a spiritual search; they need to make sense of the trials and tribulations that life throws at them. In short, they seem to be asking 'what does it mean to be human?'. Asking a question no longer means expecting an answer, but is an invitation to engage in a conversation and sermons are anything but that. My desire is to have a 'service' and to have a conversation with the 'preacher' and ask them why they believe what they are saying and discussing what that might mean as Jesus comes alongside us. When I listen to sermons I often want to ask, 'are you qualified to talk like that?'. Are we able to hear the voice of Jesus in a service? Maybe that's the goal of preaching but it means creating a space for God to be heard; to be able to feel the warmth of God's breath on our neck as he whispers the deep secrets of eternity into our souls.

Whatever I do it has to make a difference, but then it's not me who makes that difference; it's God and we are fast coming to the idea that we need space to understand the whispers of a passionate Father and usually services don't provide that. We can no longer convince people of the need for God, they have to discover it themselves themselves.