Am I the only one who finds Halloween the most ridiculous thing in the world for churches to be involved in (actively or passively)?

Just recently I have reviewed our Safeguarding policies. Everything we can possibly do to create a safe environment for our children and vulnerable people is considered and where possible we make and maintain that safe space.

So then along comes Halloween when we play with the thought of rotting bodies and demon-possession and not only encourage our children to think there is no harm in this (ask people who have dabbled with Ouija!) and then tell them to knock on strangers' doors and ask for something that they will put in their mouths. I know the Church's job is to reach out to those who others might not, but really...

The Canaanite woman

This preaching thing has really got to me. So much in fact that I abandoned the assignment I was going to do for college and instead I''ll do this one; 'Critically analyse the role of preaching in contemporary society'. Hopefully I'll do justice to my feelings on this.

However, I am still preaching. Last time I preached it was from Matt 15:21-28 the Canaanite (Syro-Phoenician) woman. I have grown to truly love this narrative - not so much for what Jesus teaches in it but for what Jesus learns and is confronted by. I mention this sermon (albeit briefly) because of what happened to me afterwards, and I will post that soon.

This nameless woman lays at Jesus feet a number of contradictions and asks that he deal with them. First Jesus is in enemy territory and an enemy approaches God incarnate (what sort of enemy can God have?). Then she cries out, 'Lord, Son of David' two phrases which don't go together - the Gentile name for Jesus (Lord) and the Jewish name (Son of David). At this stage these are in contradiction but soon to be reconciled. Third, she throws down in desperation the problem of heaven and hell. She appeals to the Lord (heaven) that her daughter is demon-possessed (hell). It's like she is saying, these two cannot exist side by side. The fourth contradiction she asks Jesus to resolve is how can you be be on a mission to Jews alone when I am here with my heart of faith?

And then Jesus stops...the silence is deafening and it's as if he asks the rhetorical question (I don't think he is talking to the woman or the disciples - perhaps to the other two members of the Trinity but that's conjecture!).

When I preached this, I said that Jesus has a choice - 'do I stick to the plan/programme or do I listen to this woman's breaking heart of faith?' It's a seminal moment and a forerunner to Pentecost and Acts 10 with Peter and Cornelius.

I rounded off the sermon but won't do here 'cos that's your job! However, it's one thing preaching about something but when it directly affects you the next day, God's at work. I'll let a few days pass before I post more on this...

I don't need God, but then again...

I've just been talking to a friend about being a good person and what that might mean; we didn't talk for long about it! I was wondering whether we spend time thinking about this or whether we just get on with life and not worry about it too much any more. The pace of life is fast and many of us don't have time (or give ourselves time) to think about how others might see us or what we might really be like. I've just finished Douglas Coupland's Life After God which I thoroughly recommend. He takes you on an adventure and you are an invited voyeur into his life's journey so far. Almost at the very end of the book he says this,

'Now - here is my secret: I tell it to you with an openness of heart that I doubt I shall ever achieve again, so I pray that you are in a quiet room as you hear these words. My secret is that I need God - that I am sick and I can no longer make it alone. I need God to help me give, because I no longer seem to be capable of giving: to help me be kind, as I no longer seem capable of kindness; to help me love, as I seem beyond being able to love'.

I am told the picture here is genuine - that these workmen really did cement themselves into a corner. How long will it be before they try to find a way out?

Wake up Rip Van Winkle!

I have always been concerned that when I became a minister, I'd be so consumed with church life that I'd miss what was going on outside the walls of the church. Today, I thought that I'd been asleep and then woke up suddenly outside Salisbury's having missed the world and the last thirty years.

We had just arrived in Huddersfield (it was my day off) to do some important shopping. Coming out of Salisbury's car park my wife got me by the arm and said, ' Now don't wander off '. I smiled and joked that I hadn't lost my marbles yet ( I was going to suggest that she sew my name into my coat in case I got lost, but thought better of it). Having managed to buy nothing except a bucket full of coffee in McDonalds, we went back to Salisbury's to do some food shopping. My wife then gave me a task to do so that I wouldn't interfere with her routine - I had to find something nice for lunch - she thought I'd probably manage that. By this time I was beginning to feel very old but said nothing. Finally on our way out, I said that the coffee was making its presence known and I just needed to pop to the loo before we set off for home. She looked at me with pitiful eyes and said, ' do you need to go again? Are you all right?' I reassured her that my prostrate was fine and just to prove it I drove home without visiting the toilet. I managed to get home without any 'upsets'.

Made me think though...how do people see me? Crikey!! time for some serious thought! I'd love to write more, but nature calls...

What is it about the communion table?

On the second Sunday of the month at one of my churches we have an evening Communion service. Now, to be truthful, my tradition is that Communion is important but really hasn't dominated our life. My background is that this is a remembrance service and that the 'real presence' of Jesus is no more here than at any other service. As time has gone on, I genuinely believe that God is everywhere and in everything I am involved with, so I have not looked to find Jesus in the bread and wine any more than in an all-age worship service.

However, these evenings at church have found about ten of us sitting around the communion table in a very intimate setting and I have wanted to engage with Jesus here more than usual. In fact I have been looking for the presence of God. Last Sunday we sat around in a horse shoe shape and we lit three candles to remind us that the trinity is here and I felt it was right to be honest with everyone there. As I made myself vulnerable by saying a few things about myself, it felt like I was making myself vulnerable to God at the same time. I openly said that I wanted more of God and that there is a yearning in my spiritual life because I was pursuing God. The phrase that lives with me day by day is, 'there must be more to life than this Lord'. I am looking for the real presence of God.

And so I said that having had a car accident about five weeks ago my back was injured and I was in considerable discomfort. I couldn't stand for long, sit for long or drive for long. Sleeping was in three hour spurts before I was woken up by the pain and had to stretch my back. I was tired.

I sat in the centre of the horse shoe and people prayed for me and for others who were in pain - whether physical or emotional.

It has been six nights since then and I have had the slept really well. Better in fact than before the accident. I wouldn't say that I am healed completely, but I had nine hours sleep last night - previously unheard of.

What is it about the communion table that can make such a difference? Is God more present here than at other times or is it that we give him more attention and are more focused? My view at the moment is the latter. If that's the case, then there really is no limit to what we can expect.

My first...

I took my first funeral today.

It was sad.

Be prophetic. In other words...

The Christian Church used to have a lot to say about life, the universe and everything and every now and again someone will come up with the real meaning of life. Sometimes it's 42. Sometimes though it's a mixture of answers, usually depending on what crisis a community/group/location is going through andChurch history is a testimony of that . However, lately the Church has been silent on the big issues. Not long ago Rowan Williams made a very controversial comment which seemed to touch all the rawness of our society's sensitivities. Afterwards it felt like we retreated from the public sphere to go back to Church and not bother the world again with our thoughts. I thought it was also interesting that a BBC poll asked people how influential the Archbishop of Canterbury was and many had no idea of who he was which was a shame considering he is such a clever man.

It occurs to me that over the next few years the Church has an ideal opportunity to make a positive impression in the lives of people and we are in a time when we might just be listened to. As we find ourselves in a position where many people have no idea of the Gospel, let alone who who Rowan Williams is, we have a chance to start again and to be a prophetic voice. The Western world is in economic free-fall; people's savings have been wiped out on the stock market and those wanting to buy a pension right now face a future of economic uncertainty...they are in serious trouble.

In other words how many of us have the front to preach Hope? To announce with certainty and love that Jesus and not money is the true hope for our future? That living in the palm of God's hand is a safer place to be than in the sea of falling share prices? And how many of us will put our money where our mouths are and live out our love in a practical way by walking with people who right now feel they have no hope at all? It's a wonderful opportunity that we have right now - to be the people of God. But will we take it?

A bit scary

The last few weeks have been very busy and so having to go back to college was the last thing I wanted to do: too much to do here, too many people who need to be seen. All in all it's been a bit scary trying to find my feet and what will and won't work with the people God has given me to love. Having landed at Cliff College last Monday morning all that was on my mind were my three churches and the church councils which I needed to prepare for and couldn't. I wasn't happy with my preaching style (and still stung by the comment about not preaching opinions)all I wanted to do was address myriad issues. On top of all that the college module was one that I didn't want to do. The module on Celtic spirituality was what I wanted to read about but that wasn't until November and the timing meant that I would have had to do two modules at once. I know I'm OK at getting things done, but that would have stretched me, especially over Christmas.

But having got to Cliff College everythging changed. First of all, it's an excellent place for academic study. Secondly it gave me some time out to think more objectively about Church and more specifically, my three churches. Thirdly though, it was very affirming. I have found that the last six weeks have been very lonely in that it's hard to share my thoughts with people (they can be a little unusual for some - I am after all reading about Emerging Chruch) but at Cliff it was like God was saying, 'Tim, that feeling you have about this and that really isn't so strange after all'. I took the first morning prayers and suggested that we could be free in our prayers to God even if we didn't feel we could be free with each other and I gave some personal testimony. It seemed to resonate with the other students.

Having returned now to chuch life I'm glad I went. It was freeing and liberating even if it was a bit scary - a bit like trying to follow Jesus really.

Does it make a difference?

What sort of person are you? Do you enjoy doing things like making an airfix model or building a doll's house just for the fun of it or does what you do have to have a definite purpose? I'm one of those people for whom whatever I do, it must have a reason - it must benefit someone (else) otherwise it fast loses its fascination and I fast lose the will to live. I'm currently thinking about my dissertation and I can't just write something with the purpose of getting through - it must be of practical value to someone else.

So as a new minister, I am constantly trying to do things that have most value. Time is very short for so many things, so I rationalise all the things I do. Now this may not the best way of going on, but for now its the best way for me. I sat down last week and worked out that my sermon construction will have to speed up. My problem (well, one of my problems) is that sermons don't sit on a shelf waiting to be plucked from an index box. Every one is crafted from deep within me with a specific congregation in mind and preaching three times on a Sunday is very draining. But with so much time and energy going into them, they have to make a difference to at least one person. My thinking right now is that sermons are not to tell people the 'right way' of living, but to present my paradigm of the work of God in our lives and asking them to consider what God might be saying to them. Someone recently told me that we should not be preaching opinions but the Gospel. In an age when institutions are held in the utmost suspicion and the Chruch especially has lost almost all credibility with the vast majority, preaching my opinion seems to be the best way of making headway. Now, this may sound wooly, but I assure you it's not. I live and breathe for God and the Trinity means everything to me. But people seem to be on a spiritual search; they need to make sense of the trials and tribulations that life throws at them. In short, they seem to be asking 'what does it mean to be human?'. Asking a question no longer means expecting an answer, but is an invitation to engage in a conversation and sermons are anything but that. My desire is to have a 'service' and to have a conversation with the 'preacher' and ask them why they believe what they are saying and discussing what that might mean as Jesus comes alongside us. When I listen to sermons I often want to ask, 'are you qualified to talk like that?'. Are we able to hear the voice of Jesus in a service? Maybe that's the goal of preaching but it means creating a space for God to be heard; to be able to feel the warmth of God's breath on our neck as he whispers the deep secrets of eternity into our souls.

Whatever I do it has to make a difference, but then it's not me who makes that difference; it's God and we are fast coming to the idea that we need space to understand the whispers of a passionate Father and usually services don't provide that. We can no longer convince people of the need for God, they have to discover it themselves themselves.